Dear Sean,

I feel like all the letters here are to you, and I don't mind. It makes it seem like we're having a heart-to-heart even when I know you're across Grounds, burying your nose in a book or staring intently at your latest poem; even when I know the most conversation we have is a few greetings as I'm coming from Persian or maybe, if I'm lucky a few snippets of conversation over dinner before band practice.

Every so often, I feel as if I'm losing faith in my love for you, in my hope that something will change for me one day; but then, whenever I see you, my heart clenches and my stomach does crazy tricks that it shouldn't even be attempting and I know my mind's just trying to save myself further heartbreak. I know in the back of my head that this will never, ever work, but what's the harm in optimism?

To cut to the chase, I've been a little bit of a creeper, no more so than the average teenager--y'know, via facebook--and I perused your notes. I saw you checked the box "tried to hurt yourself" under one meme you filled out. At dinner, you joined vocally in the conversation about our faith in organized religion, and how you were seriously questioning yours and had large doubts. That combined with my stalkerish knowledge made my heart literally throb in such a curious melange of emotions.

You're clearly internally conflicted, maybe even with deeper issues.

Just like me.

I could understand you. You could understand me.

We're more alike than you realize.

So say yes.

Love,
that crazy first-year girl tuba

Dear You,

I'm worried I'll lose my feelings over you in time.

I don't really know.

I'm so confused.

But I do like you now.

I secretly want to go with prom with you.

No one else.

So chances are, since I doubt you'll ask me, I'll not go.

I'd rather go with you than anyone else anyways.

But thats a long ways off. 

And if things go the way I want, I'll get to be in your spanish hour.

And that would make me very, very happy.

I hope I can see you tomorrow.

~D

Dear you,

The truth beneath my cutting dear is because its something that makes me feel safe and okay, its something that no one can take away and it can't walk away. i've invested myself in this behavior since you left. seeing blood pour out of my arm makes me happy. my razor blade has been my best friend. its been there when you haven't and its stopped the pain of missing you a dozen times and i know it will stop it a dozen more. i may be holding the razor blade, but you for one am doing this to me. i hope your proud of yourself, i hope your sickly proud. it was something i could never afflict on you, that sense of proud. but i guess im still achieving it in a way. you got what you wanted, you don't have to deal anymore but i guess your sympathy never kicked in, i'm still quickly dying... but i guess the joke was on me for thinking anything was enough. for thinking you ever cared. for being oh so unreasonable. im bitter, but i'm more upset and dissipointed. i thought you were better than that. you may want respect but nothings lead you to be deserving of it, and you deserve every pound of guilt possible in this universe... but you wont gain a ounce, because sadly you don't believe you've done anything wrong. i guess thats what you've gotta say to yourself, to make it to tomorrow. i wish i could hate you, im angry but only because i don't want to drop that because the more angry i am, the less it hurts. you lied, i just wish you never did so. than i wouldn't feel so crappy without you, because i would of never had anything to believe. you knew i needed you, but you still had that ability to just forget me. you looked right at me, right in my eyes and still found the ability to fore hide my pain and struggles and tell me lies, grasp my hopes and belief when you had no intention at all to stick to the honesty. your despicable for doing such a thing. i hope you think about me everyday and feel uneasy. i wish i could find it in me to hurt you, like you did to me. you know im capable, you've always knew. i guess that risk meant nothing. so much for ' i wouldn't be able to sleep at night if anything ever happened to you' i spit on your pathetic truth less words. you never had belief in me. you never cared. i was just another priority file that got thrown on your plate. if you really cared, you wouldn't continue on with what you knew to come true, you would of done the best for me. and than, only than would you have the ability to say you helped me, not now. not with this. not this way. you did more damage to me than any in my life, and that tops alot. but i guess the fact that i care even after all this is meaning less. i mean, you throw down my words and feelings like they are nothing. how i could love such an ignorant, selfish heart, i don't know. i guess you fooled me with your act. and i would really love to gain to the least an apology out of this but since i know thats never going to happen, and your never going to take responsibility for your actions, i'll apologize to myself, for ever thinking and believing that someone like me could be loved by someone like you and to the fact that your selfish act, messed up anything i had left. i loved you, i still do. how does that mean nothing? how cold are you? how do you tell me you care and promise it, be so sure of yourself and do such thing? its despicable truly. and than put it on me. say its best for me, and that i'm imagining shit? honestly, your a joke.

i still long to hate you,
i still long to forget you,
i still long to feel sorry for you, and stop feeling sorry for myself,
i still long to stop self blaming, and regretting
but i'm stuck at missing you and continuing to love you so for now,

LOTS of LOVE me

dear you,

i still love you more than anything in this world, and i know a part of you still loves me, too. at least i hope so.
i know i put you some rough times, but i'm willing to make it up. we've been through so much together, than i don't know why you're giving up on me now.
remember the good times we had, and let that keep you alive in this...it's what always keeps me going when i'm hurt.
three years, baby.
three years.
and it's almost thanksgiving. almost christmas, for that matter.
this time last year, we were so in love. but i had my fuck ups. are they really worth losing all this?

i love you. and i can't change that about myself, and i can't change anything about you that would make me hate you. cause i can't. and alksdf.

i don't want to lose you...i don't know what i'd do with myself..
fuck, just thinking about it hurts.

i've always loved you, and i always will,
k

Dear college,

You officially suck. You have marked me absent for lessons I am not even timetabled for. Why? Is it that hard to get the timetables right in the first place instead of sending back the college ID cards because they were not the right shade of red? Or spending over £2 million on making the college look pretty instead of using it for our education?! I need to get this sorted out by the end of tomorrow otherwise you are stealing away my EMA money, which would be very useful right now.

You know what? I'm so fucking glad I am leaving.

- An unhappy student.

Dear You,
"I'm Not Ok" by My Chemical Romance just came on the radio. I ended up beaming while listening to it. Because you know what? I actually am ok. And it reminded me of all the time I spent listening to emo bands, thinking about you, moping, waiting. And although we were great friends, liking you, for lack of other word, sucked. Absolutely sucked.
Liking you was three years of thinking I wasn't good enough, of always having stupid hope, of constantly being let down, of waiting for you to want me too, realise that I was the one, dump your girlfriend. It was never worth it, I had just convinced myself that it was because you meant so much to me.
I deserve so much more, and it feels so good to be over you.
Nothing,
A Girl Who You Were Really Never Good Enough For.

Dear Self,
Unless you want a repeat of history, you're going to get dressed, put on some nice make-up, go to school, and show him what you're made of. Stop denying the obvious. Go for it.
Love,
Yourself

dear you,

you always said we'd be the best of friends. i never wanted any different but i'm finding it harder to see you everyday and have you play with my fingers and kiss my head and put your arm around me when it shakes my heart a little bit but ultimately means nothing to you,
you've changed my life in so many ways but you've been texting her again and i don't want to fall back into the pattern from before, maybe it's a game to you or maybe you just don't understand but i don't think i can stick around without letting myself break us, i've already fallen hard for you and that's bad for both of us, you don't want it and you don't want to know it, but you'll still hold me and give me the slightest ounce of hope that maybe i'm something more...
i don't know how to let you go, i don't know what to say or how to maintain the self control to not text you or how to not find excuses to go on your floor, hoping you're walking around.
i need to say goodbye...i love you babe. i wish i had the words.

love,
bubbles

Dear N (ugh, my hands are cramping at the thought of my seven hundredth letter to you),

I just spent the past few hours thinking of how promising he seems, and imagining generally adorable things.

Then I logged onto facebook, and you had commented one of my pictures. An old picture, from summer, in an album that consists entirely of webcam pictures- I mean to say, an album of only me. A picture right in the middle, so that you must have clicked through them all to get to it. No one else has commented on it in awhile, so you chose to look at it without any provocation.

What the fuck were you doing looking through my pictures at two in the morning?

The weekend- I saw you looking at me again. I ignored it, because I really don't care anymore, other than in a self-satisfied, smug, "ha, he still wants it", way.

But, fuck, stop it.

(I replied to the comment of course. I play right into your trap, every time.)

S.



Dear C,

Y'know, now would be a good time to steal my number from anyone and text me something silly. Thanksgiving break should be a good time, so long as none of the other awkward he's in my life pull anything funny.

S.

Dear you,

I would say I want to save our friendship, but really? You're not my friend anymore. I don't know who this hateful person is sitting near me, who's underhanded, arrogant, spiteful, and just plain awful most of the time. You do things without any concern as to how it will make others feel. If it's funny to you, who cares who it upsets, even your supposed best friend, right?

If I have to just pretend like you're not ever around, fine. I really just hope you end up getting what you give someday. Maybe all that bad karma you've been building up will teach you a lesson.

I hope it does.

Not really any love any more,
me

Dear world,

These words get confused a lot.

Where = a location.... as in "WHERE are you??????!?!?!??!?!"

Were = past tense of are ... as in "We WERE there, now we are not"

Thanks.

C,

I'm so glad you posted the pics.

Some are just so amazing!

The ones that aren't are my fault, not yours. 

But I love them all a lot :)

And I really wish you would become a photographer. 

You have so much talent that I wish I even remotely had.

Please, please don't let your parents stop you.

Its YOUR life, not theirs.

And they will still love you no matter what you do.

But I don't want to see you later in life as a pharmacist, and miserable.

Do what you love.

You make people feel comfortable taking pics.  Thats something most people can't do.  Especially for me.  My mom can't take pictures of me that I'm comfortable with.

You have a gift.

Don't waste it.

~D

Dear _____


   Honestly, I kind of expected it for the last day or two, but that didn't change how much it hurt. I honestly don't know what to even do with myself right now. I haven't really been able to stop crying since you said it.  I wish you'd talked to me about this sooner instead of just waiting till you decided you weren't in love with me anymore.  
  I didn't text you to let you know i got home, because I was truly depressed that I actually made it home.  I don't know how you could think that we'd still be able to be friends if our relationship ends, after all we've been through, and I can't believe you asked "are you still all upset about that?" like 4 hours after you told me.   Yes. I'm still upset.  At this point, the happiest thought I can think of is that maybe I'll be lucky and die in my sleep tonight.

Sincerely Yours,
The one you're not in love with anymore.



Dear Dad,
 
    Don't tell me about how you messed up your pills the last couple days and call it "A good way to kill yourself" It's not a great joke and you're giving me ideas that I don't really need right now.

---Your son


Dear me,
  
      If you weren't so fat, unattractive and obnoxious, you might not have these problems

Dear K,

Can you please start thinking with your head
and not other parts of your body?

It's turning you into an a**hole.
Thanks much.
Love,
♥ Your Girlfriend

Dear You... Be a True Women. Not a dishonest one

Think of all the kids.
Try for once in your life to be a example to be followed, not one that someone
would be ashamed of.

Don't ruin more lives than you already have...
Go on with your life.
I will......

Just because you made things bad
you did NOT kill our love

God says he does not give up on any of his children so no matter what you do or have done
God will forgive you. Ask for forgiveness and change.

Your children love you make them proud of you.
Since you say they hate him think of them and not just yourself

Dear Everyone,
Stop talking to me about Modern Warfare 2.
Stop talking about how great it is.
Stop making me jealous that I can't be enjoying it along with the rest of you.
Stop reminding me that even if I went to Best Buy and bought it with the money I saved up for it, I wouldn't be able to play it.
Stop reminding me how excited I was for it and how the release date has been on my calendar for months.
Stop reminding me how my 360 is somewhere in transit to Texas to be fixed and that it just HAD to break one week before the game came out.

I have to study anyway and none of you are helping.

No Love, The Girl with the broken Xbox

ps- It better not be this way when L4D2 comes out next week too.

C,

I am so glad I got to see you today.  :)

You have no idea how much better it made my day.

It was short talk, and just about the pictures, but it was nice.

I really hope you do get them edited and on FB soon so I can see them :D

~D


J,

Maybe you are finally getting the hint.

~D


God,

Thank you :)

~D

dear you,

Our love. Gosh, our love. It's messy and strong. It's loud and drunk and full of fights, and it's also quiet, sure, and full of rejoicing in each others' bodies. We're both passionate and emotional, which makes the highs mountain tops and the lows razor-edged. It's insane, you make me insane, and I love so much of you.

I can't rely on many people lately. I left most of my friends when I moved, and the ones that are here have gotten progressively more self-absorbed. Well, one in particular, but I already wrote a big letter about her. You, though. You're my pillar.

I've never seen anyone get so mad at the injustices in my life. I've never seen anyone fight so hard to compensate for the pain and frustration in my days. And all you want is for me to smile at you in return, to be happy and have it be because of you. You're caring and beautiful and, as I said yesterday with both my arms around your waist, I'm so grateful that you're mine. You singlehandedly turned my day around yesterday.

I'm guarded too, or trying to be. Because I know that when/if we break up, I'll be losing one of the main things keeping me smiling, keeping me breathing lately. Losing you, without my consent, would be one of the biggest failures of my life.

There are so many things I need to do with you before that happens.

always,
loverdoll

Dear Beverly:
I think my feeling for you is more than just maternally and wanting a mother figure. When you rejected my hugs request, my heart sank. I feel like you don't care about me.
But i love you. I think about you all night last night. I promise you not to hurt myself, but i just want to cut myself because i was in so much pain inside.
I want to hold you, but you rejected it.
I know you are my therapist, but i really like you. I am afraid of losing you, afraid of me driving you away. Please don't rejected me, i need you.
Sad:
Stephanie

Dear Me,
Stop wasting time on the internet.
It is the WORST thing you could be doing right now.
It won't improve your mood and it won't help you get a good grade on your genetic's exam.
No Facebook for the rest of this week kay?

Dear World,
Enjoy the Modern Warfare 2 release. Because I won't be.
There is no point in buying the game and then staring at the case for a month while Microsoft fixes my 360.

Dear School,
Stop sucking. This semester has just been an uphill battle.
I'm glad next semester I will actually have classes that are semi in my field of interest. And I can't wait to have a writing class again. I miss writing. I was getting so good at it. But O. Chem at 8:00am?! I'm going to die.

Dear Boyfriend,
Move up to my part of town.
Move in with me. I don't care. Just stop being so far away.

Dear Friends,
I miss you guys! And i'm glad one of you is claiming me for a part of this weekend, even if I have woooooork.

Dear Friends from home,
I'm glad I don't exist anymore. You people confuse me. It bothers me how two faced and stuck in your little worlds you are but at the same time I really don't care. I have had so much more fun now that I left. I'm happy here. I don't have to worry about your pointless crap. Or anybodies for that matter. Because my friends here don't have that. Ever.

Dear Dexter,
Keep rocking my world. Cause this season is fantastic! And Trinity so scary and intriguing.